“He barks at me Doc. He barks at me,” laments a lady who I’ve known for a while.
“What do you mean? You mean he barks like a dog.”
“Worse! Whatever I do, he gets mad, yells at me for no reason. I wanna divorce him Doc.”
I never knew until that day. Several years of marriage can actually help you learn how to bark. Honestly, I was disappointed. How can a person “bark” at his wife — the mother of his kids, the woman he committed to love for better or for worse?
In my seniors’ clinic, I’ve seen marriages that last for sixty years. Unfortunately in this day and age, marriages don’t last long. I saw one marriage a few years ago that lasted only for 60 days. One culprit to blame is that couples lack the necessary skills to let relationship thrive and to keep the passion burning.
What are five ways to strengthen your relationship with your partner?
Praise
Appreciate your partner. Always look for a chance to praise and show respect. For instance, always say thanks after he or she prepares your meal. Admire your partner’s new clothes, make-up, hair-do, or even shoes. Show how you feel good about your partner’s hobbies, decisions, plans, dreams, and initiatives. Appreciate your partner’s presence.
Praising your partner makes you focus more on positive things rather than on trivial, forgettable misgivings. Every time you show appreciation, you lighten up your partner’s world.
Use Humor
Everyone wants to feel good and happy. If there’s an opportunity, make your partner laugh. Collect some jokes that you can share on a lazy afternoon. During dinner, share some funny stories that happen at work. In the evening, watch TV shows or movies that can elicit fun and laughter. Americas Funniest Videos and Just for Laughs are some of my favorites.
Life is short. Show your humorous side daily. Share laughter as often as possible.
Listen
The best to way to communicate is to listen. It’s not the talking that makes you a great communicator. It’s the listening. You may not believe it but if you listen more than you talk, your partner will surely appreciate it. Everyone wants to be heard, to be understood, to be given importance.
Each time you communicate with your partner, listen actively. Maintain eye contact. Make short comments. Give brief summaries to show that you understood what’s been said. If necessary, lean forward. Never argue, just give your undivided attention.
Surprise
Surprise your partner frequently. Give small gifts even on ordinary days. Send a bouquet of roses or throw a kiss in public. Buy a ticket to a movie or a concert. Say something nice unexpectedly. Give a quick but warm hug.
Help out with chores, with paper works, in taking kids to school or parties. Give your partner a time out from any household responsibility for a day or two. If you have time, buy groceries, do the laundry, clean the bathroom, cook a spicy, delicious dish for supper.
Share
Share anything that you love to share. Share your thoughts, ideas, dreams, and plans for summer. Share your joys and your fears; express your anger, disgust, and sorrows. Communicate your anxiety, elaborate your frustrations, and discuss your disappointments, defeats, and failures. Share your warmth.
Share that remaining piece of chocolate — even if you can gulp the whole thing.
In every successful relationship, openness is the key. Only in openness and sharing that a relationship can truly thrive.
About the Author:
Dr. Michael G. Rayel — author, game inventor, and psychiatrist — has created the
Oikos Game Series to promote emotional health. Since 2005, he has published
Oikos’ Insights! www.oikosinsights.com as an online
resource for personal development. Visit www.oikosglobal.com or
www.soardime.com for more info.
