By

Michael G. Rayel, MD

What do you expect from your child? Do you expect good things to come? Do you announce what you expect?

Expectations abound everywhere. There are no relationships, affiliations, or associations where expectations don’t exist.

At work, we’re expected to perform various tasks and to be good in what we do. In school, teachers expect their students to study and learn.

For homes to prosper, clear and reasonable expectations should be established. As parents, we are expected to provide safety, food, clothing, comfort, and love in our homes. Also, we expect our children to do certain chores and to respect us and their siblings.

As long as we live, expectation exists. As long as there is commitment and relationship, expectations are the norm.


Create a List of Expectations


As the head of your household, you should create a list of expectations applicable for different situations. Then, let your children know what is expected of them.

Clearly stipulate your expectations about homework and chores. Appropriate behavior in social gatherings should be clarified early on. Explain in detail the expected behavior when in church, at a restaurant, or in any public places. Moreover, show them how to behave around elders, strangers, friends, siblings, and people in authority.


Expectations should be Consistent


Expectations should be consistent regardless of your children’s interest, motivation, or mood. For instance, just because your child has received an award does not give him or her freedom to be rude to others.

Also, changes in your children’s circumstances should not change your expectations. If they have no school for instance, it should not give them unrestricted permission to stay overnight with friends or to surf the internet for hours.

Likewise, your expectations should not necessarily change based on your changing circumstances as a parent. For example, you may experience prolonged work-related absences from your household. Don’t lower your expectations simply because you’re not at home all the time.


Expectations should be Reasonable


Your expectations should not be unrealistic. Too high or too low an expectation invites a below-average effort from your children.

Expectations should be reasonable and age-appropriate. Don’t expect your three-year-old daughter to clean her room “spotless” or for your five-year-old son to wash the dishes. However, you can expect them to clean up after play or to put dirty dishes in the sink.


Expectations should be Positive


Expect your children to say and do positive things. Expect the best that they can perform and achieve. Positive expectations create positive results.

I’ve seen individuals who as children were often told that they would never amount to anything. As adults, some ended unemployed, homeless, and drug dependents. Negative labels and expectations imposed on them by their own parents changed their lives in destructive ways.

Establish a positive culture in your household. Encourage a hopeful and optimistic outlook on life. Dwell on helpful endeavours.


Expectations Should Focus on Success


Since expectations are self-fulfilling, expect your children to pursue worthwhile activities.  Expect them to attain their full potential through self-discipline, perseverance, and determination.

Expectation alone without effort does not work. So expect them also to take the necessary action. Provide your child with the necessary tools to achieve your expectations. For instance, if you expect your child to clean the living room, make sure that your house has a vacuum cleaner. Similarly, don’t expect your child to do well in school if you don’t provide supervision.

Can expectations be harmful?

You can choose what to expect from your children. And I assure you that you will get what you expect. Positive expectations are likely to produce positive outcomes. On the other hand, negative expectations are likely to bring forth negative results. This is the law of nature.

In many respects, there is no need to be too specific when expecting about the future. Of course, expecting a child to become the CEO of a large public company or the Prime Minister of Canada is unrealistic and is inviting frustration.

When talking about the future, expect only the best — that great possibilities are coming. In doing so, you create hope and stimulate ambition. You also encourage your child to dream big dreams.

Positive expectations provide guidance, create faith, establish hope, and promote self-confidence. Expecting your children to make a difference -- in their own little way -- is your best gift this holiday season.


About the Author:

 Dr. Michael G. Rayel — author, game inventor, and psychiatrist — has created the Oikos Game Series to promote emotional health. Since 2005, he has published Oikos’ Insights! as an online resource for personal development. Suggest a topic at www.oikosglobal.com.