By Michael G. Rayel, MD


“What are the signs of stress? Am I stressed?”

This was the gist of an e-mail I received from Toronto. Reading his message, I felt bad as he narrated a long history of misfortunes, missed opportunities, and mishaps. Although he had minimized some of his travails, I could feel that he was not coping well.

So I responded, “You sound stressed.” The next day I received his response, “Doc, you’re too polite. I’m overwhelmed!”

Stressed?

Everyone feels stressed. For some of us, even the thought of Monday triggers an emotional upheaval. And the thought of Friday brings some relief . . . and thrill.

Signs of stress are everywhere. If you don’t believe me, just go to the mall. I assure you that you will immediately see several foreheads with heavy, contoured lines written all over.

If you’re still skeptical, visit some of the businesses. In a minute, you can sense the push to perform — deadlines, announcements, meetings, sales, quota, and complaints.  Visit some of our homes and tell me, do you see fighting couples, nagging wives, and insensitive husbands?

I hope not.

A little stress is not always harmful though. In fact, it’s as necessary as the air we breathe. Somehow stress serves a purpose. A little stress helps a person prepare better and perform well. Sometimes without stress, there is no push.

But for some people, being stressed becomes a way of life. And that’s where the danger lies. While breathing and eating are physiologic needs, excessive stress is too costly — a luxury that we can’t afford to have.  

How can you effectively deal with stress? What’s the role of the I AM principle?

The I AM principle corresponds to the three practical ways to effectively deal with stress: Ignore trifles, Accept the things that can’t be changed, and Move on.

Ignore Trifles

What are trifles? Trifles are by definition small, inconsequential, insignificant entities. Office politics, unfair rumors, one-sided opinion, unpolished shoes, and stained shirt are good examples. Trifles in general don’t matter in the great scheme of things.
 
Why are people then so preoccupied with trivial things?

People focus on trifles because they are easier to deal with. They can be fun and don’t require any effort. Some people focus on trivialities for fear that big steps will overwhelm them. Some prefer to rot in the comforts of inactivity for fear of failure.

Still others use trifles to escape from the reality of hard work, to deviate ones attention from the pressing demands of daily life. And others focus on the unimportant to justify their current sad predicament. Of course, it’s more convenient to focus on easy endeavor just to avoid vital yet difficult undertaking.

Whatever the purpose it serves, trifles are wastes of time that should be relegated to the trash without hesitation.

Accept things that can’t be changed

Dwelling on things beyond your control is disastrous. Just imagine trying to change the weather, the past, your physical looks, or your birthday?

I remember an elderly man who died unhappy and broke.  While still alive, he questioned his father’s will (certified to be genuine) which he considered as unfair. He fought his siblings, went to court, annoyed his own lawyers, and agitated his wife and children. In the end, he lost all $1 million inheritance due to lawyer’s fees.

People end up in psychoanalysts’ couches because of this sad tale. Many stresses, neurosis, and conflicts arise by trying to change the unchangeable.

Learning to accept things the way they are is a virtue. Although initially difficult, acceptance has its reward — peace of mind.
 
Move on

Moving on is the next important step. The focus should be on life-changing goals, on things that matter, on things that can be improved.

Life means growth. Stopping its momentum is like allowing a river to stagnate and die. The essence of life is change —for the better. So move on and claim the prize you deserve.

Have a life. Move on!


About the author

Dr. Michael G. Rayel — author, game inventor, and psychiatrist — has created the Oikos Game Series to promote emotional health. Since 2005, he has published Oikos’ Insights! as an online resource for personal development. Suggest a topic at www.oikosglobal.com or www.soardime.com.